you are a riot, and keep me on this planet for a reason, you whose only request is to find your special shirt, which they only have in this certain store in nyc, and i'm not even there, but even more importantly, i think, when i do go back to nyc, you want me to stalk two of your former loves/obsessions and take pictures of them. Wait outside her apartment in Prospect Park until she comes out, and then flirt with her a little, take her out for coffee, and then take her photograph. Try to get inside her apartment if you can and then into that tight asian pussy. Dude, I think I'd do a better job drawing a picture of her, but hell, maybe i can summon the secret agent in me and rise to the occasion.

i have photos of past loves, and you know what, i don't look at them. they don't capture that essence....except for those books of photos i took with a certain someone, i really don't have any desire to look at them, it's enough that i have them, in boxes, mental space, i guess.

my request to you, my dear, is the same. you find those past loves/passions of mine, the ones i never told, and you tell them. i don't know why but i have a sick fascination with this. perhaps it is even irrelevant now, almost, since i've become so obvious in the past year, and live more as if i might not have the chance to tell them i care tomorrow. when i was younger i thought my love and feeling was so intense that everyone knew how i felt. turns out i was wrong. so there are a few who still do not know. would it matter if they did? i dunno.

How did humans remember before they taped, filmed, photographed?

Isn't the greatest human skill the ability to forget?

since i'm on that topic, may as well share this one too

I gradually understood that, beyond a certain point, pain blots out the one thing that is essential to its being experienced - consciousness - and so perhaps extinguishes itself; we know very little about this. What is certain, though, is that mental suffering is effectively without end. One may think one has reached the very limit, but there are always more torments to come. One plunges from one abyss into the next.

don't mean to depress you even further, my suffering strong loved ones.